Sunday, March 2, 2008

The One Worth Leaving

Philadelphia Sleeps Alone Tonight

And the only thing keeping me dry is ...
(Where I am)
(Where I am)
(Where I am)

...You seem so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving

-The Postal Service (The District Sleeps Alone Tonight)

____ With The Wind
Do you ever have one of those days that begin and end and you just don't know where the time has gone? Not just the time of the day either, you're just like where am I. Some I wonder about my life and the passing of my days. It really feels like the other day I was a teenager. Which is funny because my mom told me it would be that way. X relationships are a B aren't they? The little things that remain in a person's mind are intense and bring you into those whirls of passed moments. The moments we hate to remember. I used to feel bad for remembering happy times with people who are no longer in my life...Like I wasn't allowed to feel good about things that were good when they happened. Then, one day, it's gone. Or, at least, not nearly as potent, and you move on. They say time heals all wounds.I don't know if i agree completely. I think that time gives you and opportunity to have better experiences. Who knows what tomorrow holds?
I was running down 17th street in Center City in between Chestnut and Market the other day. I was about to be late to a market research panel for 100 bucks. Easy money. I'm moving around frantic a bit because I don't want to be late. The police officers i asked for direction in the subway sent me the wrong way. The friends I was calling to see if they remembered the address fully didn't pick up. Then I looked up and saw the new Comcast center. It's smooth glass exterior was gleaming from the sunlight. A sight to behold. I just walked toward it, thinking about how small I was. Here I was in the city of Brotherly Love, trying to get a buck. How many men before me have wondered this road looking for a panel, or a meeting, or a date? And here was this new structure to bare witness to that. I finally got a call from them, apparently I wasn't too far away. When I got there it was this Fancy Schmancy place. There I was, twenty-one finally, roaming this metropolis alone. The Panel came and went, thats not whats important. What was important that I realized that I was apart of it all. A small part but apart of this crazy life nonetheless. We are all apart of it.
Is it better to leave or to be left? I remember as a youngin' being real upset when my cousins would leave after summer break. But I'd be fine when I was leaving their house to come home. They'd be upset then. When you're left, there is a noble justification to your suffering. You've been abandoned. It especially sucks when you're not ready to let go. It sucks when you're not able to move on. It sucks when you don't really know why you've been left. How did we get here? That question of self-doubt and self-worth.
Have you ever been left? Leaving isn't easy either. I've looked someone in the eyes while they were bawling their eyes out to me and told them that I couldn't be with them. It broke my heart. To see how my needs to be me led to someone else's pain. You know how the Donnel Jones' song goes, "When you love someone/you just don't treat them bad/Oh how i feel so sad/Now that I wanna leave."Have you ever had to leave someone, behind?

In life we build these bridges. Bonds that connect us to the people around us. We label these bonds:mother, father, friend, co-worker, master, slave, stranger, girlfriend, best friend, enemy. However we depend on these bonds. These bonds color our world and breaking them though good for us sometimes, really sucks. We come to a point in our road when we have to shift labels. We're love changes, best friends become strangers. Even arch enemies call it quits. But we can handle it. I will survive, you know the lyrics. As long as you know how to love I know you'll stay alive.

As always its ya boy Magic.

Be Safe. Think Some. God Bless.

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