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Sunday, April 6, 2008

Forgiveness

To forgive and forget is to be divine because honestly I’ve forgiven a lot of things, “moved on”, “let it go”, but let me be the first to say I have forgotten nothing. I remember every break up, every meaning less argument, every “rule” my parents had that just didn’t hold up like, “I just can’t sleep knowing your not home” then not only have you left the house multiple times without them knowing but you said you were leaving didn’t end up leaving and they ask what time you came in the next morning. If you can’t sleep wouldn’t that mean you knew I DIDN’T LEAVE???? I digress. My point is that it is damn near impossible to forgive AND forget. You can forget what happened one night with a bottle of Jose by your side and you can forgive your significant other for that kiss that didn’t mean anything at that night when they had a bottle of Jose by their side. I ask one question of you though. Can you honestly tell me you’ve forgotten? Do you not wonder now every time they go out without you what may happen this time? Do you not still let them go out so you don’t seem like you’ve lost trust in them even though you know in your heart a little trust is gone? Is it fair though to say you’ve forgiven someone but constantly hold them against the person that fucked up? They are different now right? That’s why you stayed or went back to them? If they’ve changed why are you still nervous? It’s because you have not forgotten. You love them too much to break up but something inside of you won’t let it go.

I mean when is it ok to let something go anyway? If they did some shit while you were broken up, even though they were telling you how much they loved you and wanted to be back together, is that ok to let go? Or will you be extra defensive waiting for them to leave again so they can go “find themselves” in between yet another persons legs? Too personal? Maybe. However, my point is still relevant. They say if you love something let it go and if it was meant to be they will come back to you. Yet, they don’t say what you do in the meantime or how you react when they come back to you. I mean honestly broken up or not if you’re putting those boots back under my bed you are damn sure going to tell me who else has kept those boots warm AND you will sufficiently keep your distance from my boots for a while if you know what I mean.

I am not a perfect person and I confess here that I will never forget his transgressions during our time apart for various reasons I won’t divulge here. People, if any of you out there understand where I am coming from tell me because right now I’m feeling like the bad guy, quick to argue, quick to jump down his throat, and quick to question every move. All I can say in my defense is that I’m scarred. I love too much to leave but the scars are still prominent and ugly.

Can you forgive AND forget? If so, you are divine and I ask of you to share your secret.

2 comments:

anu said...

I think what you say is legit. And I don't think you're the bad guy. I think you're normal, and human. I mean, you can forgive, but forgetting? I think that's a whole different ball game. I don't know if there is any way to forget. And that whole cliche? I always figured by "forgetting", they just meant....in time, you won't hold it against the person. But the key word is IN TIME. I don't think you can forgive and not hold it against the person right away. Frankly, I think it's better to be cautious in this case. You have to earn trust and respect, and when the trust and respect is breached, you SHOULD face some type of "consequence". And it takes time to earn the trust back. As long as you're LETTING them gain the trust back- open minded enough to ALLOW them to do it, then I think that's fair.

And honestly, I don't think you should forget in the literal sense of the word anyway. Because when you do forgive, and then in time "forget", you are saying that yes- I acknowledge that you are imperfect, there were times when you messed up, but I am still accepting you for ALL of that. Because I think you're worth it. And your relationship will be stronger for it.

If you can get to that point- that point when they go out with that other person and you're ok with that- that's when you can say you've "forgotten". That you're ok with it. And if you can't get to that point eventually then...maybe it's time to take a closer look at the relationship because it seems like earning back your trust isn't in the game plan for them. And maybe it really is time to "let it go".

Narth Mallus the Reginald said...

If you've chosen to forgive than haven't you chosen to forget. It's like you can't have your cake and eat it too. If you're going to say I forgive you with that comes the granting of amnesty. The washing away of pass grievances, not a trial of waiting for the next transgression. It's like playing Jenga Stacker with your love life. Any strong wind can make it fall down all around you!

I mean what you're talking about is a clear lack of trust. Trust needs to be proven. Trust needs to be earned. I think that is a step that should happen before forgiveness.

Holla at the Reginald